Decide who you want to be; based on your values
It is easy to get caught up in life and listen way too much to all the people around us. But what if we instead decide who we want to be, based on our values. By doing so, we can learn to become stronger in who we are and we can live our lives with intention and integrity.
Become aware of your personal values
As individuals, we are being programmed with values from our society, culture, our parents, friends, school, and so on. This is what humanity is about. We live in a culture and our society would not work if we would not be assimilated into it right from the beginning. But have you spent any time at all, looking at this programming?
Are the values you have been programmed with such, which you truly stand for and want to live by? As an Ethnologist and a consultant working to help corporations grow, I constantly focus on people. I not only listen to people, but I also question established beliefs and values.
Let me give you one example so you can begin to have a look at your own values. It has become clear to me that many times our communication and actions do not correlate with each other. We might talk about how important our family or health is to us, but at the same time, we give them close to no time in our life. Or we say our love life is our priority but when it comes to our action this does not show. Instead, there always seems to be something more important to do at work or with friends.
The given example can be applicable in many areas of our lives. But since there is no one way to live a life you should find your own personal way. Your personal values. Do you maybe value money over health or formal education over lifelong learning? Try to look at different areas of your life and be honest with yourself. Aim to understand if the value is something you have decided to implement in your life. Or is mere “culture scape”, something you are programmed with.
Pick and choose you values
Because values are programmed into us, many times at an early age, we find it hard to question them. But since they are essential to how we are thinking and acting, we need to become aware of them.
If I say one thing and act the opposite there might be a discrepancy in my values. I might feel and know I need to do something but the underlying values are steering me more.
Becoming aware of the situation is the first step! Change always starts with awareness. In a situation like this, it is fruitful to sit down and understand what you value and why. Is it maybe something you want to stick to or does it need to change? If I say I value my family or my spouse, how then should it show in real life? Which other value might it collide with and what will I do about that.
Decide on who you want to become
Why not make a deliberate choice regarding who you want to be. Decide who you want to be as a parent, a spouse, or an employee, and so forth. Decide on who you want to be, based on your personal values. Be clear about what your values are and which ones you want to cultivate further. Most likely there will be something you want to get rid of, as well.
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Think in the terms of; what do I value in a parent, spouse, employee? Then make a list for yourself describing the topic. What do you think a good parent is all about? To move forward and put this into practice you will want to choose a few areas you are going to focus on. Become aware of your old values versus the new ones and make the effort to become who you want to be.
Becoming who you want to be based on your values
Deciding on who you want to be and making an effort to become that person is fulfilling. It is about living life with intention and integrity. But consider the fact that most likely this will not be seen as something only positive by people around you. Choosing values important for you can for others seem selfish or strange. This is because you are no longer the person they are used to. They will most likely want you to stay the way you were, so be strong in who you want to be.
To give you an idea about how to proceed I will share with you my example. Then you can choose yours. I have decided upon who I want to be at work. To do this I have chosen three words that summarize, in my opinion, a good employee. Those words are:
– Creative (my definitions of the words)⠀
– Smart⠀
– Friendly⠀
I will then keep these words with me every day, in different situations. Until they become a part of me and my way of acting.
Focusing on my chosen words I know how I want to behave, and I will do my best to execute according to that. People around me might not always perceive me in the way I would wish but as I´m authentically me, I will be surrounded by those who have the same values and authenticity as I do. Which I´m not saying is either right or wrong, it just is.
As I live my life with intention and with integrity I will have no regrets and I know I have done my best. I will also be free of second-guessing myself for every opinion said about me. ⠀
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